To Entrust is Sometimes to Abandon
by shinigamitales
Summary: A bookman is fated to dwell in the past. And so Lavi entrusted the future he could never have. To eyes of storm-grey. One-sided Lavilena. Lavi-centric one-shot. Character deaths.


**Summary: **A bookman is fated to dwell in the past. And so Lavi entrusted the future he could never have. To eyes of storm-grey. One-sided Lavilena. Lavi-centric one-shot. Character deaths.

**To Entrust is Sometimes to Abandon**

_A bookman has no need of a heart…_

But now, Lavi can feel the overwhelming fear gnawing at his chest. He can barely see a thing as he lay limp on the ground, thick clouds of dust and smoke tainting his view of the clear noon sky. The mild wind made his flame locks dance, and Lavi can plainly distinguish the smell of burnt flesh hanging in the air. His lips curved in amusement, as he too, realized that it could be his flesh burning at this very moment. Not that he'd feel it with the numbness that claimed his limbs. To burn in his own flames might be a cowardly way of dying, but he'd rather die with his pride than to be pierced by those eyes of cold grey.

Allen Walker, the boy that gave way to the fourteenth Noah's rebirth set forth to kill each and every Order member important to him. He must be off somewhere murdering more of his former comrades, more of his family, but Lavi don't give a care what he does with the world anymore. The first attack was pointed at the most important woman in his life.

In his AND Allen Walker's lives.

Lavi turned his head to see Lenalee sprawled beside him. He hoped she'll forgive him for choosing to save her from those eyes as well. He reached over to Lenalee and felt the last of her pulse starting to fade away.

'Gomen… Lenalee' Lavi smiled weakly. Even in this situation, he can't fail to give her his smile. No, he won't let her see him sad.

Not at this last moment.

His eyes were starting to feel heavy but Lavi tried to keep himself awake. The little hammer that was dangling at his side feels heavier than it usually does, but then he painfully reached out to his weapon.

'Say… Lenalee, the first day we met, it reeks of analgesics…' the young bookman whispered in her ear. He remembered that day so well. Lenalee was crying over the dead bodies of her Order family lost in battle. Lavi remembered that mixed feeling of pity and distaste for that young exorcist. How could such a warrior show weakness while in the heat of a battlefield? But then, he grew to love that weakness as well. And it became a part of him.

_O…zuchi…_

If only he had told her before. If only he didn't let himself be imprisoned by his title, would he have been able to stay by her side longer? Will those grey eyes haven't let its heart grow close to her if he was able to make her his before he did? He crept closer towards Lenalee's body and noticed that her heartbeats are no longer.

_Kozu…chi…_

Lavi can't stop the tears from falling now. His limp arm held on to her lifeless form, his body a mass of shaking agony. If this is a part of the damn history he's devoted his entire life into, he can't wish for anything less than to let this record disappear.

He raised his head and pressed his lips softly unto hers. Is he trying to act the prince trying to wake his princess up from her slumber? He felt like a fool for believing for a moment that she'd actually wake up. He breathed in deeply, taking her scent in for the last time, before forming his resolve.

He'll erase the record he himself abandoned to this cruel fate.

.

.

.

Along with the 49 personas he's played his entire life.

.

.

.

And the bookman title he no longer deserved.

.

.

.

'I love you…Lenalee…'

.

.

.

_'_Hiban.'

_xxx_

**A/N: **This is actually my first time writing an angsty fic. And also my first time writing a one-shot. I'm sorry if it's too short. (and not convincingly angsty in my opinion -.-)I was trying to write the next chapter for The Hidden Truth but then got stuck somewhere so I ended up writing a Lavilena oneshot instead. I do hope I can finish that one though before this week ends… Its been unupdated for ages now. Sigh...

And if you're wondering why I am writing a Lavilena story when I'm a self-proclaimed Allena fan, it's just that I happened to hear one of Kagamine Len's songs (Soundless Voice, the version by Valshe) and felt that it really fits this pairing well. And, well, this particular part drove me to write this...

Sakende mo todoka nai yo  
Kimi no koe wa mou... ie nai

Furi tsumoru yuki yo dou ka  
Furitsuzukete zutto  
Kono mama subete ubai satte yo

Hakanai koe no inochi goto  
Kakikeshite subete

Shiroku...

Translation...

Even if I shout, I can't get  
You or your voice back

To the falling snow  
Please don't stop falling  
Take me away with her

Everything transient, my voice, my life  
Erase all of them

Until all is white...

*sniffs*

And geez, I think my rant here was longer than the story. Thanks a lot for reading! And review if you feel like giving one.

~shinigamitales

*And yep, I got the title from Les Miserables. ",


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